


Patton Centered Vent Fic

by theincediblesulk



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A Vent Fic, Eating Disorders, Food mentions, Gen, Intrusive Thoughts, So yea, and im posting it here so that I don't lose it to tumblr, honestly i wrote this on a bad day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 22:43:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17031351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theincediblesulk/pseuds/theincediblesulk
Summary: This is just a fic I wrote on a bad day. Please be careful as it does have strong mentions towards eating disorders.Thank you!





	Patton Centered Vent Fic

Today was a bad day.

He knew, as soon as he woke up he knew. Every noise was too loud, from the ticking of the clock to the breathing of his roommate in the other bed. The colors were too muted, everything seemed fuzzier than normal and he couldn’t make it clear. He felt sick to his stomach and completely numb. There was no chill to the morning air or the wood surface he stepped on to get out of bed. There was no feeling at all except a churning in his gut that told him all he needed to know. 

He knew today was going to be bad for him, but he didn’t know how to tell the others. He didn’t know how to ask them to keep him accountable for himself. He didn’t know how to reach out and talk about this topic without making them worry and question his every move. So, instead he went through the motions like normal. 

It was Saturday, he knew that meant that it was his day to make lunch. But everything seemed like too much and the thought of going near the kitchen made his stomach turn even more, but he knew that if there was nothing when the others got up then there would be questions. So, he did what was expected. Pizza was easy. Turn on the oven, throw it in and let it be until the timer beeps. He hardly has to touch it, let alone look at it. Pizza it is. 

20 minutes isn’t long and soon the smell of melting cheese and warm tomato sauce has the others in the kitchen, excited for their meal. He cuts it up, gets the plates and lets the other’s have their fill while he sits and works. He ignores the stabbing feeling in his gut from the smell. Ignores his urge to run and do what he knows he shouldn’t want, knows he shouldn’t do. But it’s hard and it takes everything in him to keep typing. 

_Keep staring at the screen. Don’t ruin your progress. Don’t lose everything you’ve worked so hard for. Stare at the screen and hit the buttons. Distractions work until the feelings pass, you know that. Keep staring at the-_

_“_ Aren’t you going to eat?” His roommate asks, stopping his thoughts and making him freeze.

Looking up, he sees his serving is all that’s left on the table, sitting untouched and ignored. Sitting and taunting him in a way that it shouldn’t It’s pizza, a college staple and something everyone loves to gorge themselves on. And oh he wanted that too. He wanted to eat until he felt like he might explode, and then he wanted to rid it all from his body. He wanted to feel the burn and pain that came with it. He wanted to feel less disgusted with himself and he wanted to feeling of temporary bliss that came after. 

“Pat, are you going to eat?” He heard his roommate ask again. 

He’d been quiet for too long. Too stuck in his own thought to notice everyone staring at him and waiting for an answer. Too far gone to see the worried glances exchanged between the others as they waited. 

He smiled at them and nodded before speaking, “Well of course I am, I just need to shower and get ready for the day first.” And with that he was up and had himself closed in the bathroom. No one had a chance to respond No one could ask what was going through his head. The door was locked and he was alone with his mind once more. 

Turning the water on, he let it heat up before stepping in. But once there he froze. He knew what power he possessed, closed in the small room and covered by the noise of the fan and the spray of the water. He knew that a toilet flushing wouldn’t draw too much attention from the others when he got out of the shower. He knew. 

And that scared him more. His mind was battling with itself, telling him he would feel horrible if he did this, telling him that everything he’d worked for would be lost and he’d be back to square one. Back to relying on his unhealthy habit to feel better.

But another part, a louder part of his mind was telling him to do it. Telling him he would feel so much better, he would look so much better if he just did it already. It was so easy and there was no one to stop him. No one would notice and afterwards he could go eat a piece of pizza. Afterwards he could act normal again and everything would be okay. And all he wanted was to be okay. 

He left the water running and stepped out. There were tears streaming down his face. He didn’t know when the crying started, all he knew was he couldn’t stop. He stood there and stared down. Down at his worst nightmare. He stared and thought about everything he’d put himself through before and everything he’d been working towards. He thought about all the people he’d be letting down if he went through with this, and he thought about all the secrets he’d have to start keeping again. 

The feeling, the need, was building though, and he didn’t know if he wanted to fight it anymore. All he really knew what that he wanted to feel better. He wanted his stomach and mind to stop turning. He wanted to stop the mental battle he was having. He was so tried of the mental battle.

Yes, today was a bad day, and it was only 2.  


End file.
